(The one with the smexy hat) Name - Jenny Nicknames - Jennifer, Jenny, Jen, Jennenifer, Pockets, Arakhne, Akiwombo, Special K, Juniper, Damali, Illyria, Rin, Genma, Prop Mistress Eternal, Queen's Lady #2, Tragedian #3, Ela Delahay, Banquo, The Anti-Snarfle, Ponce de Leon! Conqueror of Florida!, Jean Grey, Fatty MacFatterson, Pain (Sarah's Minion (Annie is Panic)) Age - 18. That's right. I can buy pr0n, cigarettes, vote, and get legally executed! PIMP. Country - USA. Woot. *waves flag* Likes - Martial Arts. Yum. Dislikes - I don't like dieing. It's a bit uncomfortable and it kinda tickles. Watching - Advent Children... Why am I not that awesome? Reading - Hanakimi Playing - WoW, Dirge of Cerberus, FFVII Listening - my fan creaking as it spins Eating - frosted tree-shaped pretzels Drinking - BAWLS! Singing - Various RENT songs... Mood - *gnaws on stapler* Guess.
Today has been disappointing. I've let myself down. A lot. Not so much today, but in life in general. I dunno. Lol, I need more meds or a new brain because this little situation isn't working. Let's just drug me until I'm not sure what right is supposed to be and then we can do the little 'ignorance is bliss' spiel. *shrug* I dunno. I'm trying. I've been trying. I've put a lot of effort into making myself happy and I guess that's worked... Or it's just made me a lot more tolerable of people and events and myself in general. *shrug* Forcing myself to be happy has proved to be a lot worse than just letting it be. I don't mean to be angsty or emo and I'm trying not to get in people's way with it. Fwah. Gaehg;whegbrihg. That's what I have to say about it. GHIWHAGIgwnhrhgwahr. I just don't feel good.
I must remember to bring my Harbrace to class on Friday O.O I must remember to bring my Harbrace to class on Friday. I must remember to bring my Harbrace to class on Friday.
That said, I'm sleepy. I wish mom would have let me sleep in through first period. Maybe I'll nap on the way to Zone B competition. If we go.
I'm feeling very... abandoned... for some reason. I dunno. Or disregarded. Like, oh that's just Jenny, it's okay, she'll always just be there.
Mom got a laptop yesterday. It's all nice and pretty and she doesn't want me using it >.> But she's going to be using that one for the majority of her computer time so I can spend lots of time with out non-portable compy, but she won't let me take it to LANs >.> She said because it's too big o.O It's no bigger than any other computers are that Brewster or Sam or Aaron truck around... I don't even need the monitor if I'm going to Annie's. And even if I did, it's a flat screen. o.Ô I don't get it >.> I think she just doesn't trust me... Nobody ever trusts me, geez. This is just depressing.
And also, with the forcing myself to be happy, it seems like I'm posing as someone else. Like, oh Jenny just loves everyone. Silly naive little Jenny. People forget, I spent the majority of my life with company like Jake and Amanda... That life wasn't all rainbows and marshmellows. I dunno... I feel like I'm lying to my friends everytime I speak to them.
Lmao. WTF = World Taekwondo Federation. Giggity.
And I'm so tried of people thinking they have right to change me. People, namely being, Jake. I'm sick of hearing about all his critism of who I am now and what I SHOULD be and how I'm going to fail in life because I'm not his ideal of a person. Why does he care anyway? And what's up with his girlfriend sippin' on the hater-ade? Lol, I never did anything to Rachel but I've heard of her making threat to, lol, beat me up if I go to talk to Jake in the mornings or whatever. Crazy shit. I don't understand those people but I think it's really funny that I can bother them so much when they've got nothing to do with my life anymore. They're both nut cases. They deserve each other. Oh, hey, I wonder if they've started a "we hate Jenny" club! Because that would be awesome. I've always wanted a club all about me ^^.
I really loved Witch Boy last night. What was the actual name? Dark of the Moon? One word away from being Pink Floyd? Yeah. I'm still gonna call it Witch Boy. But with the twang. WITCH BOY! AHAHAHAH
Aaaaauuuuggggghhhhh, I want another break. God, I just need about a week to sit around and do NOTHING. No fun vacation trips, just lying about, playing video games, watching TV and sleeping when ever I want to. Too much stuff going on. Way too much stuff. Ugh, I need a hug... I've been needing a lot of those lately. Luckily Ben and Ross and Phillip have been my hug whores lately so I can always cling to them. And Patterson too. And Brewster a little bit if I don't get to annoying him >.> And it seems like I've been doing that a lot...
Aw shit, I feel like I'm gonna cry! Wtf!? College english isn't that bad! My eyes just started getting all watery! This happens so friggin' randomly with me! I mean, people say that there has to be a reason, but there never is! Am I just a freak of nature then? GAWD I hate me!
Ok, I'm good now... I think... I better not start crying in ROTC... Because I've already broken down in martial arts twice. I don't need anymore people thinking I'm a sissy >.> Which, I am, but at least I can pretend I'm not for a while... Agh, fuck, its happening again! LAME! I took my medicine, all of it, so what's with the freak emotional swings?! UGH! Why am I even on that shit if it's not helping?!
I've missed a ton of martial arts classes. But I think I'm going to wait until school's out to start on my tests because with as busy as things have been I won't be able to get enough training in to be ready for the tests. And these are my black belt tests. Serious stuff, ya'll.
(> ")> -Jenny.
Edits: I feel kinda better now. Kinda. But not really. Now I've got the anxiety going and it's really not cool. Not cool at all. And I feel like I'm going to vomit. I always feel physically sick when I get all depress-ed and mentally sick o.O That's not cool either.
Yeah, Today was a failure on my part. I have failed at living today. Big fat ZERO for Jenny. It sucked. Merfles. So I'm just gonna go vomit... Later kids.
(> ")> -Jenny.
Jenny :~: 4:22 PM |
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Warg... my brain hurts... And it's really really cold out here. Yeah, I'm in Lake Tahoe Californie/Nevada. In the mountains. With the snow. And its cold. And I have a headache. But hey! I found a library to steal internet from! Wewt, kiddos! But I can't get one MSN and i can't get on WoW and that makes my soul cry T.T u.u Skiing is fun when its not snowing like death. Which it is today. Being the reason why I didn't go with DAd and Danny to ski this morning. Plus, I was asleep. I had this dream that there were these two castles, like, right friggin' next to each other and they've been waging war for years upon years and I was running between them stealing stuff from the other castle and returning it to the king type person in my castle. It was all cobblestone-y and dark and there was fire O.O But no dragons. Annie has told me how to log on to MSN without downloading it. Sweet. Later, kiddos.
(> ")> -Jenny
Jenny :~: 2:40 PM |
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I haven't posted in... very nearly a month. Well. What a slacker I am. *stabs self*
I bought WoW and it's pretty fun. It hasn't devoured my life yet, so that's cool. I've been watching indie films a lot... well, all the indie films I can find at Hastings and Blockbuster... which isn't actually too many... so I'm ordering some off Amazon >.>
We had a sorta-LAN at Annie's again last night. I watch one of my indie films and Aaron and Annie played WoW. Then I leveled up my Orc Warrior I've named "Babychild." I was going to be "Smalls" but someone already took that one... shucks.
Well, I'm going to stop being an insomniac now. Night, kiddos.