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Me.
(The one with the smexy hat)
Name - Jenny
Nicknames - Jennifer, Jenny, Jen, Jennenifer, Pockets, Arakhne, Akiwombo, Special K, Juniper, Damali, Illyria, Rin, Genma, Prop Mistress Eternal, Queen's Lady #2, Tragedian #3, Ela Delahay, Banquo, The Anti-Snarfle, Ponce de Leon! Conqueror of Florida!, Jean Grey, Fatty MacFatterson, Pain (Sarah's Minion (Annie is Panic))
Age - 18. That's right. I can buy pr0n, cigarettes, vote, and get legally executed! PIMP.
Country - USA. Woot. *waves flag*
Likes - Martial Arts. Yum.
Dislikes - I don't like dieing. It's a bit uncomfortable and it kinda tickles.
Watching - Advent Children... Why am I not that awesome?
Reading - Hanakimi
Playing - WoW, Dirge of Cerberus, FFVII
Listening - my fan creaking as it spins
Eating - frosted tree-shaped pretzels
Drinking - BAWLS!
Singing - Various RENT songs...
Mood - *gnaws on stapler* Guess.


Connections

Quizilla

I handcuffed || K, Yuki Eiri, Annie Bananie, Manuel, and Kenshin!!!

K-san is my soulmate!


Other Characters

Annie's Blog
Matt's Blog
Ziggy's Blog
Annie's Other Blog
The Mormon's Blog
Amy's Blog
Ross's Blog
Sarah's Blog
Sam's Blog
Sarah Short-One's Blog
Sarah/Rachel's Blog
Justin's Blog
Brittany's Blog
Anderson's Blog
Ziggy's Blog

The Red Noses Blog


Communications

Thoughts

"That rated a -3 on the manliness scale."
- Kiros
"trans-dimensional stupidity"
-Mr. White

"Life is like a group improv."
-Brittany

"If love were pain, I would beat you to an inch of your life." -Matt Patterson

"Sir, we have Sephiroth on line three..." - Electronic Gaming Monthly

"'Ring! Ring!' The house exploded." - Mr. Rozelle

"ground beef poptart." - Me.

"Canada counts as Europe." - Me.

"OurSpace: The Commnunist Solution to MySpace." - The offspring of Jannie.

"English doesn't borrow from other languages. English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar." - Zee Oni-con Shirt

"I can only meditate clockwise." - Phillip

"*pulls out knife* Say it and you're losing 'em." - Brian

"I remember back when we didn't have the sun." - Matt Patterson

"Can I get 200 goldfish and a slingshot, please?" - Brewster

"32 bit n00b." - Brewster

Archives

10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007

Credits

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Summary of the time between last time I posted and now



I flipped out. Humpty Dumpty fell down and shattered into a bunch of peices and then called Matt and said "Time to get the hot glue, sonny boy!" Drama Drama Drama. We didn't advance but Pip-kins got best actor (*WUV!* *ish all proud ^^*). I'm an idiot. I'm so screwed up. I can't even communicate when I know it would fix a lot of things because I'm so far gone that nothing makes sense anymore. I think this is the craziest I've ever been. I'm sorry, Phillip. I know I'm hard to deal with. I'll try to be better, but I'm just...I dunno. I'm just not stable right now.


Icons for the day: Image hosted by Photobucket.com


(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 5:17 PM |

Monday, March 28, 2005

IhatemyselfihatemyselfIwanttopeelthefleshoffmyface



god damnit, i'm a freakin' idiot. I'm screwed up and I can't help but bleeding my all over the people around me GODDAMNIT! I hate myself! I was so pissed today. In a really weird mood. I was doing a complete system shut down. Loggin off life. I can actually do that. None of the bullcrap about "Silly rabbit! You can't turn off your feelings! That's what makes you human!" I guess I'm not human because I can. To an extent. I can turn off the feelings that hurt. Like I said, apathy incarnate. I was seeing in red today. I had vowed that I was done with this bullshit. I was done being the stupid little girl crying in the corner because nobody loves her and the bad people fucked up her head so that now she can't tell anyone. I was done with it. It would be the second time I sealed myself off. When some part isn't working, you cut it off so it doesn't spread. I was going really nuts. Crazy-est I've been in a while. I would have been ok if I had stayed at home. No, nevermind, I would have been a mess if I stayed at home, but it wouldn't have spread if I stayed at home. But we had rehearsals. I went to the costume loft to try to ignore everyone, but Matt came and made me talk to him. I felt a little better afterwards. He managed to bring me back to world of the living, but I still wasn't stable. Phillip took me home and I was acting really weird and now he thinks something is his fault or i don't know and it's my fault and if noone else really minds, I'm going to go burn a couple new holes in my side. Bye.

See the other part of this post on my LJ, if you care enough about me to put for the effort.

My mood in icon form:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Just because it's funny:Image hosted by Photobucket.com
The text says: "STFU! Can't you see I'm trying to talk to God?!"
(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 7:34 PM |

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Weiss Kreuz



So I've seen episodes 1-5 and episodes 17-21 of the anime Weiss Kreuz and I've decided that I love it and it shall be mine. Thus, I ordered it off ebay. I'll watch it all when I'm sitting at home crying after I have my wisdom teeth pulled out. I've also fallen in love with the opening song. That and the outtakes. I need to have Manuel come over and watch the outtakes, seeing as he's the only person I know who watches Weiss Kreuz. Mom watched it will me and I showed her the outtakes and there was laughter. Behold, some of my favorites:

Aya: Kyo, Can you pull up the S Class schedule?
Kyo: I ain't you bitch.

Nozomi: I want to get in your pants!

Nozomi: *sobbing in the dark room as the camera pans out*
Voice Over the Intercom: Attention K-Mart shoppers. Please ignore the couple in the far left corner.

Aya (to Kyo): I'll take care of Todo. I need you to do my laundry.

Sena: It was Todo!
Kyo: The dog or the band?!

Sena: Hey! Fresh Brains! I haven't had a hot meal in forever!

Sena (looking into the coffin with Nozomi in it): Hey, I thought she landed on her head? All well, Scoot over, baby!

Aya: I don't know my line so I'm just going to improvise! And why is your hair green? Ok.


Ok, that's about all of them. I'm off to watch the Glühen again...

(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 9:28 PM |

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Apathy



I got really pissed today for no apparent reason.

And then I punched the bathroom wall.

And then I screamed "SHIT!" because it hurt like a mo'fo'.


I'm sure I'm getting really annoying with this by now. Ross told me to stop whining. But you know, I really don't care. If you're annoyed with me, then good. Leave me the hell alone. Maybe if everyone hates me then they'll stop asking what's wrong. And then I won't have to go through a mental wrestling match with my self to try to tell them the truth but end up lying anyways.

I really just don't care anymore. Whatever happens, let it happen. I'll cry over it, I'll hate myself for it, I'll have my moments of self-destruction but I've given up trying to fix myself. There's actually nothing wrong with me; nothing to fix. I've always been this way, so there's nothing that's out of the norm. I'm comfortable, I guess. Comfortable with discomfort.

And now, song lyrics! I've gone back to Linkin Park. Woo.

In The End:

(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried
so hard

And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end



Random things are really pissing me off today. Myself, annoying people, nice people that dared to talk to me, myself, organized religion (going on a Mark Twain thing), people with authority, myself, people who normally get me really pissed. I'm really violent today. I keep wanting to hunt people down and bash their head into a wall. But for some reason, I don't want to go to my martial arts classes. Seems kind of contradictory. I figured out that I've been punching wrong because the red spots on my knuckles were in the wrong place after I gave the bathroom wall what-for. Damned bathroom wall. What a bitch.

(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 5:38 PM |

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Uh oh, Jenny's obsessed again...



So I'm rekindling my obsession for the Jedi Apprentice series that I loved so much in 6th through 8th grade and my love for Obi-Wan and Xanatos (a JA character) and Star Wars in general. This is a short summary of JA by the webmisstress of The Rising Force:

"Well, the Jedi Apprentice series is a sequence of some twenty books detailing the Jedi Apprenticeship of Obi-Wan Kenobi under his Master Qui-Gon Jinn... And the only thing that makes my life worth living. (Note to self: Quoting my JA Obsessor quiz does NOT help with that whole intelligence-sanity thing.)"


And as I do with all of my obsessions, I went on a crazy-mad image search and scowered the internet for pretty pictures. Here are some of my findings:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

And here's the quizzy quiz in which I hunted for every possible answer! Here's the one I actually got:


what Jedi
Apprentice character are you?

And here's the ones I love:


what Jedi
Apprentice character are you?

what Jedi
Apprentice character are you?

what Jedi
Apprentice character are you?


That's all for now, kids!

(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 2:36 PM |

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Liar


I feel like every word I say is a lie. The "I'm not fucked up" side of my likes to think that maybe it's because I'm always being told that I'm lying. When I used to say "I'm sorry" to my dad he always, always responed with "No you're not." When I say one thing to someone, they tell me that it's not how I really feel. Or they tell me that I'm making it up, it's just an excuse to avoid the truth. The nice part of me likes to think that I'm just mentally traumatized and I'm trying to fix it now. But the part of me that is a realist tells me that I am. Everything I say is a lie. Every random reason that I come up with for being upset is actually just a lie to avoid the truth or just something I came up with because there really isn't a reason. I'm just want an excuse to hate myself. Because I'm masochistic.

I feel like a certian d/p I have, but this isn't my computer. I'll post it when I get home.

Nevermind, here it is:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 8:42 PM |

Fight Club



Just finished watching. I've re-realized why I love that movie. Because it makes me hate my existance about 50 times more than I had before I started the movie, but it makes it funny. Lol, I'm not making much sense right now because I'm in a post-Fight Club daze. It's a great movie really. Some of my favorite lines:

"There's a sick sort of desperation in your laugh."
"I felt like destroying something beautiful"
"I am Jacks raging bile duct."
"I am Jack' complete lack of surprise."
"I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection." (or something to that effect)

I feel like I have cancer and someone told me I'm going to die in 3 months, so I'm just laughing at the world as it goes by, thinking of how pointless my existance was and how nothing will have been different after my life has passed. I was just a speck of light on an endless plane of neon billboards. That annoying coffee stain you accidently made on your favorite page of you favorite book. Wow, that was non-sequitor. Heh.

Wahoo! Tomorrow's Sunday! I'm trying out this new thing where I get excited when I know I'm going to get depressed and have another mental freak-out. Always happens on Sundays. YAY SUNDAY! I'M GOING TO SPEND 3 HOURS SITTING IN MY ROOM WITH THE LIGHTS OUT AT 8:30 WHILE MOM AND DANNY ARE WATCHING TV HOLDING SOME INSTRUMENT OF SELF-MUTILATION AN INCH FROM MY FACE TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF TO CALL SOMEONE AND SAVE MYSELF! FUN STUFF! I'M EXCITED! GO TEAM!

This post has gotten too personal. But I'm not going to erase it. Because it's the truth. I'm not pretty. I'm not cute. I'm not interesting. I'm not a caring friend who is honestly out to help the people I love. I'm a self-serving liar. Every word that comes out of my mouth is meaningless drabble. I will only bring you pain in the end.

(> ")>
Jenny

Jenny :~: 8:11 PM |

Look Ma! Jenny's whining about her life again!



So I hate myself and I hate myself for hating myself because it's so stupid and melodramatic and woe-is-me and such a funking (Shaun of the Dead flashback) dumbass. Here, lets take a look at how dumb I am:

Captian Wow:
I am bored!

Jenny:
sorry
Jenny:
im wallowing in self-hatred

Captian Wow:
Ah, I'm sorry
Captian Wow:
Why?

Jenny:
dunno
Jenny:
I've been in a constant state of hating existance since...last night. And I'm over
at Ben's watching Fight Club and it's just making my self-loathing funnier



I was going to say this here:
"Now, for the depressing Incubus song I've been singing while sitting in my shower and contemplating whether it was worth it to try to move or if I should just fill up the tub with water and take a nice nap under it." But because I think it's digusting whining, I've decided not to, but because Annie tells me it's stupid to delete stuff it's being posted, but just be aware that I didn't actually mean for anyone to hear that, 'kay? Here's Incubus songs:


11am

Seven a.m.
The garbage truck beaps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse, signifying the end
But I missed the best part
Could we please go back to start?
Forgive my indecision
Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride
Eleven a.m.
By now you would think that I would be up
But my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I've made
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
Cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in that old fear
Forgive my indecision
I am only a man
Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride
Twelve p.m. and my dusty telephone rings
Heavy head up from my pillow, who could it be?
I hope it's you


Under My Umbrella
When I close my eyes
I can see for miles
There's comfort in my dark seat
And chaos in the aisles
These eyes are not your eyes
And these eyes are not the color that
Your arid eyes might be
No, I was not around
When those eyes of yours decided so
I refuse to kneel before the sights you choose to see
When I close my eyes
I remember how to smile
Under my umbrella
I'm and accomplished exile
These eyes are not your eyes
And these eyes are not the color that
Your arid eyes might be
No, I was not around
When those eyes of yours decided so
I refuse to kneel before the sights you choose to see
If this is right, I'd rather be wrong
If this is sight, I'd rather be blind


Sick, Sad Little World
No, You're not the first to fall apart
But always the first one to complain
You better get careful or you'll compromise
Everything You are

This world is a drought when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
"I'm making a choice to be out of touch.
Leave me be." He said,

"Leave me here in my stark, raving, sick, sad little world!"

I've never had unpaid confidantes
It's more than I would care to explain
But I have an open door policy
When it comes to blame

This world is a joke when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
"I'm making a choice to be out of touch.
Leave me be." He said,

"Leave me here in my stark, raving, sick, sad little world!"


(> ")>
Jenny


Jenny :~: 6:07 PM |

Strangest Thing Ever.



I've been listening to the Llama Song for the last 30 minutes and instead of making me happy and giddy like it usually does, I feel more depressed but I have the random seizures of laughter, and then go straight back to hating everything lol. O.O Freakish. And since I've strated it playing, it's become really hot in this room...O.O. Here it is. Love it:

The Llama Song

(> ")>
Jenny


Friday, March 18, 2005

This is how I feel:



3-12-05:
I almost felt alive today.

3-17-05 @ 12:07 midnight:
I feel like I'm dying. Like my body is decaying.

I'm going nuts. Too much in my head. Too much I never wanted.

I don't have the energy to care anymore. I know you're trying to help, but it's over.



Artist: Switchfoot
Album: New Way To Be Human
Song: Let That Be Enough

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
Cause I feel so defeated
And I’m feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I’m a plane in the sunset
With no where to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sandcastles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

It’s my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this thursday
Twenty-two years ago
And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Oh am I just a kid who knows he’s needy?

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough


Artist: Gary Jules
Album: Tears For Fears
Song: Mad World


All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
’cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

(> ")>

-Jenny


Jenny :~: 10:04 AM |