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Me.
(The one with the smexy hat)
Name - Jenny
Nicknames - Jennifer, Jenny, Jen, Jennenifer, Pockets, Arakhne, Akiwombo, Special K, Juniper, Damali, Illyria, Rin, Genma, Prop Mistress Eternal, Queen's Lady #2, Tragedian #3, Ela Delahay, Banquo, The Anti-Snarfle, Ponce de Leon! Conqueror of Florida!, Jean Grey, Fatty MacFatterson, Pain (Sarah's Minion (Annie is Panic))
Age - 18. That's right. I can buy pr0n, cigarettes, vote, and get legally executed! PIMP.
Country - USA. Woot. *waves flag*
Likes - Martial Arts. Yum.
Dislikes - I don't like dieing. It's a bit uncomfortable and it kinda tickles.
Watching - Advent Children... Why am I not that awesome?
Reading - Hanakimi
Playing - WoW, Dirge of Cerberus, FFVII
Listening - my fan creaking as it spins
Eating - frosted tree-shaped pretzels
Drinking - BAWLS!
Singing - Various RENT songs...
Mood - *gnaws on stapler* Guess.


Connections

Quizilla

I handcuffed || K, Yuki Eiri, Annie Bananie, Manuel, and Kenshin!!!

K-san is my soulmate!


Other Characters

Annie's Blog
Matt's Blog
Ziggy's Blog
Annie's Other Blog
The Mormon's Blog
Amy's Blog
Ross's Blog
Sarah's Blog
Sam's Blog
Sarah Short-One's Blog
Sarah/Rachel's Blog
Justin's Blog
Brittany's Blog
Anderson's Blog
Ziggy's Blog

The Red Noses Blog


Communications

Thoughts

"That rated a -3 on the manliness scale."
- Kiros
"trans-dimensional stupidity"
-Mr. White

"Life is like a group improv."
-Brittany

"If love were pain, I would beat you to an inch of your life." -Matt Patterson

"Sir, we have Sephiroth on line three..." - Electronic Gaming Monthly

"'Ring! Ring!' The house exploded." - Mr. Rozelle

"ground beef poptart." - Me.

"Canada counts as Europe." - Me.

"OurSpace: The Commnunist Solution to MySpace." - The offspring of Jannie.

"English doesn't borrow from other languages. English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over and goes through their pockets for loose grammar." - Zee Oni-con Shirt

"I can only meditate clockwise." - Phillip

"*pulls out knife* Say it and you're losing 'em." - Brian

"I remember back when we didn't have the sun." - Matt Patterson

"Can I get 200 goldfish and a slingshot, please?" - Brewster

"32 bit n00b." - Brewster

Archives

10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007

Credits

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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Last night Jake and I kinda had a fight. Not really a fight because in a fight you have two opposing sides, but in this we were just sort of realizing some stuff and trying to work on it but failing pathetically. I wrote a whole long note to him last night, but I'm to afraid to give it to him because I'm afraid it will end us. I'm not going to give it to him until Monday. So I can just have this week and treasure it, because if he leaves me I'm going to be such an incredible mess. Cry and whining and screaming all over the place. Last night got a preview of it. I thought I'd never stop crying. Today my eyes are kinda swollen from it. Well I got go to school. More on this later. (> ")>

Jenny :~: 7:10 AM |

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

.

Jenny :~: 9:10 PM |

Ok, where was i before i was interrupted by the need for food? Ah yes. Me and my neediness. I'm incrediblely needy. There's a song by Alanis Morrisette that explains how needy i am. I'm hug-needy though. I seriously am. I need lots of hugs, or just people holding my hand or my arm is good. Hugs make me a happy jenny. i think I'm gonna find the lyrics to that one song...ok, these are just little parts of the song that explain is kinda.:
oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
one small sideways look and i feel so ungood

oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
one forgotten phone call and i'm deflated
oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
your hand pulling away and i'm devasted

oh these little protections how they keep springing from me
i jump my ship as i take it personally

Then it says "oh there little rejections how they disappear quickly the moment i decide not to abandon me" and that normally works but just of late it hasnt been. in fact the attempts to not abandon myself have failed pathetically. At least i've got annie to obligate people into giving me hugs. wahoo. i need to grow a pair. get some guts and get back to normal, but i already tried that. i even wrote on this thing about one of my and you know how well that worked. So i can't change what i am...what else is new? there's only sulking from here on out...damn fall....(> ")>

Jenny :~: 7:27 PM |

Today was ok. I learned how to sequence things in German and I also learn how to say "Please resurrect" and "Disappear!" It was great fun. Jake forgot to cut our grass. He's gonna cut the back though.I hope he gets full pay. I'm trying to call his house but noone's answering damnit! All well. Annie made this funny thing about cough syrub and why Phillip is evil. She's gonna try to work up the guts to talk to him today. or tonight....or whatever...The Halloween dance is going to be on Thursday. I hope I don't end up sitting in a corner moping. God, this depression is turning me into a pansy! I'm whining about stupid things and I'm suddenly too afraid to talk to people and i feel like everyone hates me....which might actually be true...Annie actually stole my role as the loud obnoxious one in rehearsals. That's just sad. I was feel hug-deprived so she turned around and told Zack to give me a hug. He probably only did because he didn't wanna make me sad. I beat my being all stupid is annoying him. It would annoy me. I'm probably annoying everyone in that class. You dont join theatre and then sit in the corner being all shy. Damn seasons. Stupid chemicals. I blame my grandmother. Geez, that's not something you hear everyday. But she was the one i inherited the seasonal depression from...i kinda want my paxil back so i can at least be hyper. All well. Anyways, Annie yelled "JENNY NEEDS HUGS!" to everyone and then i was bombarded by hugs. It made me feel good. At least i can think that they all aren't annoyed with me and my neediness. Well i gotta go eat. bye for now. (> ")>

Jenny :~: 6:48 PM |

Monday, October 27, 2003

I think Zack finally gave up trying to get me involved or what ever it was he was doing. That or he just got annoyed with me. Probably both. The imbalance and lack of happy-sun-chemicals has really been taking it's toll on me. I'm getting more and more depressed. And the lack of hugs and social interaction with anyone but annie and jake isn't helping. damn. I'm staring to get more like i was in 8th grade, which is in a way good, in the sense that i might become remotely interesting again, and bad in the sense that i'll be all suicidal and bloody. never a good thing. Annie's cheering me up on MSN. She's sad about Phillip. But we're making funny jokes about stuff that's making us sad and it's great. Well, now that i'm remotely amused and not so sad, i'm going to bed...hopefully. Nighty-night! (> ")>

Jenny :~: 9:46 PM |

Sunday, October 26, 2003

.

Jenny :~: 5:38 PM |

.

Jenny :~: 5:37 PM |

Well it's Sunday now. Very boring. I've made the resolution to get over my inferiority complex towards all the theatre people. Let's see if it actually works this time. Ha. Yeah...I saw Zack in church today. I had no clue he went to St. Micheal's. I spent the whole service staring at him (don't worry, i didn't miss anything important, I never listen to the service. It's boring and it never touches me that much. Don't get me wrong. I'm very religious. I talk to God everyday. Just not the way they do...) because he was way on the other side of the church and my contacts suck so he was kinda blurry and i couldn't tell if it really was him or someone who looked remarkably like him, but my attempts to see if it really was him kept being interrupted because of some stupid lady with a big head and a big afro of red hair that was sitting in the row in front of him and kept putting her huge head in the way. it made me grumble. but eventually he got up to have communion and in doing so came about 10 feet closer than he was and i could tell that it was indeed him. That or it was his evil twin. I didn't see any other people i know from school today though. Just Zack. And some kids that i recall seeing but never met. Anyways, what point was i making? Oh, yeah. Inferiority complex. I figure sulking over having no talent in theatre is going to get me no where, (and in figuring so i'm made less of a hypocrite. yay.) And being intimidated by those who do is just stupid. And pathetic. And fills me with seething self-loathing. More so than i usually am and that's just sad. So i'm gonna grow a pair and get out of my shy, intimidated stupor and be my prideful, slightly-arrogant, slightly-cynical, hyper little self. Whoop-dee-effin'-doo. Sorry, I have to criticize every revelation i have. Because me trying to be all ethical and deep is just sad. And fake. And pathetic. Much like me. So i guess it suits me. Yay. Well i need to take a shower and go over to jake's. Bye bye. (> ")>

Jenny :~: 5:10 PM |

Saturday, October 25, 2003

yo gurl! i hope your still not sad... i just got home from region which by the way was a complete failure.. oh and Jordan did make it up there! yay for him! im sorry you were with the scary people... next time you have a work day inform me and ill be there so we can be intimidated by the scary drama people together... yay! oh and dude you have not lost your creative touch... come on ... the strawberry shortcake crusades!!! creative! anyways ill talk to you lata! luv ya!

Annie :~: 5:30 PM |

Meow.


(> ")>

Jenny :~: 2:22 PM |

... dot dot dot


(> ")>


I just got back from the Saturday workday at the theatre. I was the only one there at 8 in the morning and it stayed like that until about 8:40 when Owen came, then at 9 Bjune came and an hour later Chris came as well as Jordan, he missed the bus for the choir regionals, I feel sad for him. Jordan and I were the two that didn't really know how to use any of the tools. I thought more people were going to be there. I guess choir took a big chunk out of the cast, but there was still a lot of people left who weren't in choir that could have come. Did they just not want to wake up early? Not that it really was early, not like school early. I woke up a 7:30 and was fine.Still trying to get over my inferiority complex towards all the theatre people. I don't know why I think they're superior to me, other than the fact that they all have a great gift that I know I don't have, and it's the only gift I really want, but that's just me being jealous of everyone around me. That doesn't usually make people superior in my mind. No no, envy is a part of my everyday life and as much as I hate it, it doesn't go away, so I accept it. I know a lot of what's wrong with me and I also know there's nothing I can do to change it so I'm so full of passive acceptance of it all. For instance, I know I'm the biggest hypocrite you'll ever know. I'm constantly contradicting myself and I've tried to stop before but it doesn't work, all well. I'm also incredibly insecure. I think everything's bad about me. I'm incompetent, I've got no talent in theatre what so ever, I'm not pretty or cute or beautiful, I don't know what the hell Jake sees in me, I'm constantly trying to fool myself, lull myself into a false sense of security, like everything is gonna be ok when I know it's not. I'm paranoid, I think everyone hates me or doesn't like me and can see start through me and see all the things I've just named, but most of the time I can deal with it. Accept it, move on, don't worry about it. But in theatre, I don't know, it's different. I've built up such a strong shield and I've built up pompous pride in nothing. I stand tall and walk like I've got something important about me, when I know I'm just doing it because there's no use in showing your weaknesses. And I've come to accept what I am, though it's not anything one would be proud of, I've accepted it like a demon residing in the back of my mind, whispering things in my ear, I've come to learn that there's no getting rid of it and to just move on. I guess it's because this is the one thing I truly care about. It actually matters to me and these people have what I wish I could and so much more and it makes me lower than them. Because I envy them. And I just wish I could have that so so badly. I wish I could be spontaneous and quick-witted and all that. I wish I could jump into an improv and actually come up with something interesting. I wish I could find the deeper meaning in things. I wish I could trade in all my 'potential' that everyone has always said about everything else I've done, the 'potential' Coach ray said I had in swimming, and yeah, I could have done really good at that, I was starting to come to practice everyday and I was getting strong and fast and it was a great amazing feeling to be able to be good at something, better than other people at it, I know I sound incredibly pompous or whatever the word is, but it made me feel great because i was better at something than other people were, for a while I was happy, really happy, then coach left, and the desire burned down to nothing, and now I hate swimming, it's just another ordeal that I could have been so good at. And band to, I was a great French horn player. 2nd chair in the symphonic band. And 1st chair a couple times too, but god I hated playing that thing, it was a talent I didn't want and had no use for. I had 'potential' though. That's what they all told me. Coach, the director, my private lessons teacher. I've come to hate that word. I guess this is my punishment for throwing away all those other talents. I'm forced to sit in the corner and wallow in envy and self-doubt until it burns me away and I turn into what I was in 8th grade again. All I want is to do something that makes me happy, have something that I can do well, enjoy and have pride in. Is that so much to ask? I just want to be happy. I want something I can do to escape life and the stress but there's nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. Maybe some people were just meant to be special and the rest were meant to be their fans, to make them feel better. We I'm really not doing either of those things, unless someone is getting joy off of seeing me sulk. I had a long talk with Jake last night. Talking about this. I don't think he realizes how hard it is for me to just not worry about it. I have to. It wont go away, just like the doubt and the insecurities and everything, but this i can't accept. It's a chink in the armor i've been building up for years now. It's allowed my weaknesses to slip past my little shield and show them self to everyone. And god does it piss me off. That's one thing you'll learn about me. I don't just get depressed, i get pissed off because i'm depressed. I look for someone or something to blame and it usually ends up being myself (explianing the suicidalness in 8th grade) or some untangible force-element-power thing floating around me. I'm like Apropos in the book "Sir Apropos of Nothing" in that sense. Except i don't beat other people for my problems. I'm a strong believer of "Don't blame others for what's your own fault." But that just shifts the blame to me and makes another little chink in my armor. At least now it does. Before if something happened because of my insecurities, it would be like "*shrug* Well what am i going to do about it now? Change everything i am? Yeah, sure, that'll happen." I've lost control over things and it makes everything in me go askew. That's how i work. Everthing is set in a perfect balance. Lightly tip the scale just a bit and the whole thing comes crashing down, resulting in the 8th grade fiasco. Anyways, i was trying to make a point earlier...i forgot what it was...oh yes. I would trade in all the talents and potetial i have, just to have this one thing. I want it so bad. All those other things, i don't know why they were given to me or what in hell i'm supposed to do with them. They've sort of burned themselves away from me now. No more french horn and i suck at swimming now. I'm as lazy as ever. But all i want is to be good in theatre. Because it makes me feel great. Just being in a theatre, like on workday, lifts my spirits a bit...God, could i be more pathetic. I'm whining, and i hate whining. See, hypocrite. I hate self-pity. I hate people who do nothing but complain and feel sorry for themselves all day long and do nothing about it. But here i am, dong exactly that, and god do i hate me for it. so i guess that makes me not a hypocrite in a sense...i dont know. I'm a horrible person. Going around and envying everyone and being all sour about it. Actually, i'm really not as sour about it as one might guess after reading this. It bothers me this much, yeah, but i don't feel sour towards the people who have that talent. Just kind of sad. Sad that things just can't be easy. No, not that they're easy. I don't like it when things are just handed to me, which you probably would never guess about me. But that i'll never be able to do that, because they have something in them that i don't. You can see it, almost like they glow with something. And it just makes me kind of sad. No hard feelings. Just a ting of despair because i'll never reach that dream. At least they're nice to me though. Jordan talks to me when he's standing by me. Zack gives me hugs...Hugs are good things. I don't think anyone realizes how good they make me feel. It doesn't matter who i get a hug from. Some random person can just walk up to me in the hall and give me a hug and it's guaranteed to brighten my day. It works if someone talks to me too. But it works so much better with hugs. Or any contact. Like someone touching my hand or my shoulder. It makes me feel like i actually matter to something, and someone other than annie or jake has actually noticed me. someone who's not required to like them. Anyways, so yeah. Just kind of sad. I think i'll change my title to that, to make it actually mean something. Well i've typed a lot and now i'm done. Thanks for listening. (> ")>


Friday, October 24, 2003

Today was fun. I stayed after school, after rehearsals and worked on the set for the play. Phillip, Manuel and Matt were with me. I was almost killed with french doors, but i got to eat pizza and watch cartoons and watch smoke come out of a coke bottle so that makes it all better. tomorrow i have another workday for the play. the offcial workday. and of course i'm going because i'm WORKDAY GIRL! the girl who is always at workday, come rain, or snow or sleet or any other natural disaster things because she simply has no life, there for having nothing better to do! YAY! I learned how to use a drill the correct way. I screwed the board, and yes, i understand how wrong that sounds, we were making jokes about it the whole time. Anyways, it was great, except i was worrying the whole time about jake being mad at me for completely blowing off the day he was supposed to come over to my house, so i called him afterwards and surprisingly, he didn't care. He was watching a movie and was completely forgiving. One of the many reasons i love him. Ah, love. In rehearsals, i was sitting in the theatre room, not the actual theatre cuz it was going to be a while until my next part was up, and Zack, Ella, Steve, Angela and Sarah were all in there, of course i wasn't in their little group with them because i'm to damn intimidated, which is really starting to piss me off, i don't get intimidated by people, im a very un-intimidatable person and this is bothering me cuz it's making me act all weird!...anyways, they were all talking about love in highschool and they were getting on to Zack (or at least Ella was) because he didn't believe in love in highschool and i was listening in, of course because what the hell else was i gonna do? and they were all talking philosophically and Zack was saying how about 1% of high school relationships actually last with out breaking up for a while, and then coming back together and all that stuff and i found myself agreeing with him (not out loud because i'm the president, vice president and secretary of the We're Not Included Because We Don't Allow Ourselves To Be Club and i wasn't about to lose my spot) because i know that jake and i will probably break up during college because there is no way in hell we'll end up in the same place, let alone the same state, so we're bound to break apart. long-distance relationships are utter bullcrap. I just hope we get back together. This all made me even sadder than i already was. Later Zack came over and did some weird guru lotus position power thing, it was funny as hell. he's sweet. trys to make me included in stuff every now and again. he's the only one of the Intimidating Ones (namely Zack, Jordan, Kat, Bellami, Jeff, Manuel, Rebecca and Brittany) that actually do that. Too bad his attemps are wasted. They make me happy though. But not interactive or any less *cringe*shy. I'm begining to seriously hate that word with a firey passion. I wonder how long it'll be untill he gives it up and i'm just eternally sad in theatre...at least i've got Sam and Lisa and Dylan and Phillip. They aren't intimidating. Their my buddies. Yay! I'm still sad with them around though. Even if i was included in everything i'ld still be sad and depressed. There's just something wrong with me...hah! that's because there is! i've got that damn chemical imbalance i inherited from my grandmother. i used to take anti-depressants for it but i got off them. they weren't doing anything for me except make me all perky, which wasn't all that bad. i talked a lot more. not to theatre people, that was back in 8th grade, year of the devil+satan+lucifer+blossuming creativity that i'ld always had, but left me when that year passed. It was in some ways a great year, and in others, the worst part of my short existence so far. Well, i'm off to go take to jake. Rant at you later. (> ")>


Thursday, October 23, 2003

oh hey, my title and description changed. yay! the editing-thingy the loves me! (> ")>

Jenny :~: 7:59 PM |

Well, this editing deal doesn't like me. The title and description of this site is supposed to different but the changes haven't applied yet so...bleh! So I'll just babble. Today was fun this morning, but the rest of the day sucked. I had to improvise a speech about Microwaves being the best invention in the last 100 years ( that's partly where the title of this site came from, i had microwaves swirling around in my head all day, I don't know where the irony part came from though...) and it was actually a good speech. People laughed and I felt happy. I felt like I might actually be able to be a spontaneous for once, but then reality sunk in and i got sad again. all well. I get to have theatre tomorrow. theatre makes me happy. everyone's nice and they talk to me. And it's fun. Makes me feel all special. Then i have rehearsals, and that's just like an extention of theatre, but funner because there's more people i know and i get to work on an actual play. Well, sort of. I get to do some movement. i walk, flirt, get corrupted, and measure people. it's fun. and when i have nothing better to do i sit and watch other people do stuff. Yesterday i even got to sit on a person. Yay me! I'm not that shy though. Only around people that i don't know and aren't Jake's friends. (Jake's my boyfriend) I have power over Jake's friends. I can be mean to them. It's fun. Well, i'm done rambling. Sorry if i sound depressed. I'm not ussually all sad. Just lately i've been. I've got some chemical imbalance and it makes it hard to be happy some times. well, im done now.(>" )>


Erm....not sure what I'm doing...hrm...Oh! I'm posting stuff! Oh, ok, um. I'm Jenny. I've named this blog thingy 'Irony & Microwaves' because I can and it's fun. No particular reason for that. So this is my blog-thing. Have fun!